Day 64 Are You the Next Biggest Looser?

10.1 lbs gained

High off my mile + run I am ready for the next hurdle on the fitness ladder “The Biggest Looser Challenge”. Two months ago, I promised a friend that I would join a sanctioned Biggest Looser team challenge at her gym. Since BL is my most favorite show on TV, how could I resist? It is the perfect blend of drama, conniving characters, and stunning transformations all rolled into 1 hour. Let’s not forget the added bonus of torturing fat people through mind numbing workouts and total exploitation of personal pain as each contestant exposes their personal rock bottoms for millions to see. It is the ultimate guilty pleasure for us viewers. Of course some of us eat through the entire show each week, not to name names of course. Really? So weird!

Our local challenge will consist of 3 teams with my team being the Red Team under the fearless leadership of my friend. She has committing mind, body and soul to making the 8 weeks of torture “fun and motivating for all!”. We are wearing red, putting “Go Red” bumper stickers on our cars and some team members have even gone so far to dye their hair red. My friend’s RED enthusiasm stems from her own success in the last challenge. 26 lbs lighter, she is now officially the AFTER of the Before & After. Once again I am inspired. In my mind, the challenge will motivate me through the next 20 lbs as the Good Dr. recommended I stagger goals every 3 months to keep me motivated. I even talked a few long time friends into signing up with me. Maybe it will be “fun and motivating” after all.

Sign up day rolls around and I noticed the sign indicating a $500 first place prize. Now this caught my attention. Hmm…that could buy me a few weeks of protein shakes. Given that I have cashed in my very last stock option for shakes, $500 would be a welcome infusion to keep my blender running until my birthday. Impressed with my jogging success and now the added financially motivation, I feel the tingle of competition begin to seep into my bones. In the span of a few minutes I went from working on my next 20 lbs to total gym domination with winners t-shirt already made up! I started some casual research and found out that last season’s winner dropped 18% body weight. I ran out to my car and pulled out my calculator app on my phone and did a double take. Seeing the freshly calculated pound conversion displayed on my phone was staggering. Oh, shit, 32 lbs in 8 weeks! I am not on the Ranch! I have a life, kids, job, no Bob or Gillian and important things to do besides workout! AND, completely unlike the Ranch, this gym is fully of tiny, already fit and trim workout people. To them, 15 lbs is 20%. What to do? Need a plan…..

I shared my dilemma with my husband later that night and he suggested I level the playing field a bit. Ok? There was no way I was shoving any high fat/calorie food in my mouth after all the hard work and expense thus far. Now what? We debated several options and finally determined that I would need to go into the first weigh in 8-10 lbs heavier than I am now to have any chance. Visions of snow suits, lug boots and oh wait, bullet proof vest pop into my head! Hey wait, aren’t those really heavy but don’t show under clothes? I have a cop in the family, perhaps he could loan me one for the weigh in. Can you see me on the scale with shades, packin’ a bullet proof vest and some heat which in this case is my big ass! Nice! I was really enjoying the fantasy until my husband ruled out this option. Aww, no fun! He first cited that I was a L-U-N-A-T-I-I-C. Whatever, old news, geez! Then he made the more relevant point of me running the risk of being disqualified for cheating. Alright, I sadly thought, no bullet proof vest. Now as that option was blown, we reached into the Biggest Looser episode archives for the classic water loading trick. Ok this could work…. If I triple my sodium intake 24 hrs before the weigh in and start chugging water, I could pack on some pounds without actually gaining any weight! Genius! I had the fleeting thought of me looking like an Oompa Loompa as I roll on up to the scale.

Guilt set in for the shenanigan I was about to pull. What about total honest and integrity? I had to keep reminding myself that this was just game play. I bet many others were partaking in similar efforts. Wow, I’m convincing! After a while it sounded stupid not too.
On the day of the weigh 3 days later, I have consumed 10 pickles, 3 bouillon cubes and about 100 oz water. I am literally sloshing through the parking lot as I walk to the gym and oh God, I have to pee. I pushed myself to the front of the weigh in line ‘cause I thought my bladder would burst any minute. I am happy to report that I packed on a whopping 10.1 lbs in 24 hrs. Ha! Game on!