Day 50 Dangerous Liaisons - Sufferin’ Sucralose!

22 lbs lost

Rolling along in my 7th week I must admit that I have had a few little binges. I discovered right before our vacation that Sugar Free Life Savers taste great and take away the yucky dry mouth feeling caused by the Phentermine. Dream product! So a few times I indulged in 2 or say 15 at a time. It took 3 separate Life Saver liaisons before linking those delicious hard candies to the raging gastrointestinal storms that ensued shortly after said liaison. The first time, I thought for sure I had food poisoning since my youngest was also having tummy problems. Imodium was my friend that day as I weathered the moderate storm. Second round was 4 days later during an outing of the Broadway production of Little House on the Prairie. The entire performance my stomach was churning so loudly and painfully that I actually thought I might explode all over the 2nd tier. Unfortunate situation for friend sitting next to me in the dark theater. I couldn’t tell you what was worse, the sound of my rumblings or the subpar singing of Melissa Gilbert as Ma Ingles. My friend leaned over and suggested perhaps my stomach was beginning to eat itself from the inside out due to the crazy protein diet? She really got me thinking then as doubt began to creep in. Could it be?

Another 3 days passed before my last and most heated Life Saver Liaison with a family sized bag. 30 minutes after bag completion, my brain began picking up on the pattern my stomach was now feeling. The connection was solidified after 5 hours of deep thought induced by a night spent in the bathroom. Damn, the jig is up and I have to end another affair! So sad. Why can’t I be addicted to exercise, scrap booking or even beanie baby collecting? Ok, it’s creepy but at least not harmful to one’s health. What is an obsessive compulsive to do without a binge buddy?

At 3 am I dug the empty bag out of the trash and read the very fine print “Contains Sucralose. Over consumption of product has a laxative effect”. Well shit, there you have it. I will take it upon myself to write Wrigley’s with a suggested warning change. My version would read “Caution excessive use of product is comparable to gastric effects caused by ingesting Tijuana street taco due to poor tequila induced judgment call. Think you, taco and Tijuana bathroom facilities before eating more than 2.” This would at least be more helpful in warding off would be bingers.

Needless to say, the dangerous liaison is over. Why are those evil chemicals in products sold over the counter to diabetics and children? I went back to chewing Eclipse gum and feeling quite put out to have not found a substitute yet. Whatever, blah, blah, blah I know I should reach deep and stop binging all together. Not ready for that much personal growth yet and frankly there is no money left for qualified therapist until my protein shake consumption subsides. Until then, trolling for a new buddy….