20 lbs lost
This Wednesday started out with a bang as I woke up at 5:45 a.m. and gingerly stepped on the scale stripped down naked (you know this is how y’all weigh yourselves so don’t act shocked). Too bad my scale doesn’t make the cool “Biggest Looser” sound effects but it was still very exciting as the scale registered another 2 lb loss. As of today, this brings my total to 20 lbs lost in 43 days. I did a quick happy dance and virtual high fived myself since no one else is awake at this hour.
Quickly calculating if it is possible to try on 9 pairs of pants before my 6 a.m. conference call, I ran to my closet and pulled out the “Less Fat Bin”. This bin consists of clothes I was wearing at the end of last summer before my serious downward spiral of depression and rapid weight gain. I immediately started trying on pants and Voila! They fit again! Yeah! Good news since I refused to buy a stitch of maximum density clothing this winter. The 2 pairs of pants I had been rotating since December are starting to wear thin.
This brings me to the discussion of wardrobe as a measure of mood. I recently had a side conversation with one of you about this very topic so honesty check. If you walk into my closet, it is brimming with clothes yet I still have nothing to wear. I know every woman says that but for a forever yo-yo dieting gal, there really is some merit behind the whine.
Does everyone have the dreaded “fat bin”? Well I have the exact same clothes in 4 different sizes. Each size’s wardrobe is fairly limited even thought together they make a sizable collection. It feels like the ultimate failure when you finally have to admit to yourself that no, you can’t in fact go out in a pair of pants with a serious camel toe where even a blind man would make out those panty lines. Ugh, the ultimate of hall of shame moment! Self denial can only take you so far until you face the mirror and grudgingly have to admit that the pants you just put on did not give you a Costco sized muffin top 2 months ago.
My mood and general outlook on life fluctuates with the respective clothing bin I have to dip into.
Size 22 - Pissed! Danger Will Rogers she is unstable (which in fact is where I started this journey). Proceed with caution to all of those who live in my universe.
Size 20 - Usually sad but can put on a good face for company.
Size 18 - Happy most of the time with just light pepperings of sadness. Very approachable and open to new adventures while in this bin. This is how I ended up on a mule in Tahoe last summer. Another time….
Size 16 – FABULOUS!!! Excellent opportunity to spend mass quantities of time with fun loving gal before emotionally unstable gal returns and the size 22 bin needs to be pulled out again.
And so the cycle has repeated thusly for the past 20+ years.
Well, last spring, I threw out my size 22 “Maximum Density” bin. Now don’t gasp in horror at my complete lack of a disaster recovery plan while heading into a recession. I was just so confident that this time I would never return to that size again. I kept the size 20 bin as a buffer and ceremonially released 22’s to the universe. “Be free denims and kakis! May you find a new owner and aid them on their own weigh loss journey” No seriously, I am not making this crap up as I donated them to a Day in OA (Overeaters Anonymous) clothing swap.
My good faith act is why I had exactly 2 pairs of pants this winter. The forgotten ones in the back of the closet that somehow missed my ceremonial cleansing frenzie. This is just one of the many bumps and bruises I have endured in my life long battle of the bulge. Sorry to those of you who had to endure my “Glamour Don’t” style this season? I simply refused to buy more 22s after the big ceremonial release and all. My ego just a little too bruised.
Will I finally ever get to a place where I feel confident in my sustainability at an emotionally acceptable lower weight where I will invest in a quality wardrobe? Perhaps with Donuts-to-Diva logos all over them? Hee hee! Who knows, but for now once again reaching into the size 20 bin allows me to put on a good face for company and keep sadness at bay most of the time. Do any of you also have B-MAD (bin related mood alteration disorder) or is it just me? I would love to hear your stories so we can laugh and cry together. Feel free to use the comments section to share!
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Monday, April 12, 2010
Day 40 – Paying the Pied Piper…Post Vacation Cold Hits
18 lbs lost
The week returning from vacation and I am sick, sick, sick. I bet employers just love it when we call in sick after a week long vacation. The first thought must be “Sure you are!” Not to whine too much but I really was practically toxic with the bug I gleaned from hubby. I’m sure the multitude of hand rails touched for non fast pass rides didn’t help the incubation period along any. Many apologies to my walking buddy who met me for a trail jaunt directly after vacation. Hopefully my bug wasn’t passed on.
The illness ground my exercise routine to a halt. This is a scary situation since all the years of yo-yo diets and sedentary life style indicative of an at home tele-worker have made my metabolism resistant to diets alone. I do not loose without workouts, period, end of story. This makes me especially cranky since the cost of the good doctor’s program runs around $135 a week. All attempts thus far to lighten this financial burden with my supposedly excellent health care insurance provider has lead to DENIED CLAIM status from my now 2nd appeal.
While we are on the subject of my insurance battle let me digress for a moment. I don’t think I ever discussed the submission of my first claim with the blog. When I started with the good doctor, via a physician’s referral, my BMI was 39.6%. My labs however were my downfall as they came back clean with no signs of heart disease, diabetes or other weight related indicators. No, I am not crazy to say downfall according to my expensive HMO insurance policy. You see I missed the cut off for coverage by .04% BMI and required at least one other indicator of weight related illness such as diabetes. So even though I had more fat than a Jimmy Dean sausage, I didn’t qualify for coverage.
No surprise too many that my HMO coverage really doesn’t cover maintenance or prevention at all. Absolute nuts which is why I have been on the war path ever since. I think they should roll out the insurance red carpet since I will be saving them potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in claims later on. I will stop my rant but stay tuned for upcoming episodes of Donuts to Diva Insurance Battles!
For now I am recovering from the cold and will be back in the gym on Monday.
The week returning from vacation and I am sick, sick, sick. I bet employers just love it when we call in sick after a week long vacation. The first thought must be “Sure you are!” Not to whine too much but I really was practically toxic with the bug I gleaned from hubby. I’m sure the multitude of hand rails touched for non fast pass rides didn’t help the incubation period along any. Many apologies to my walking buddy who met me for a trail jaunt directly after vacation. Hopefully my bug wasn’t passed on.
The illness ground my exercise routine to a halt. This is a scary situation since all the years of yo-yo diets and sedentary life style indicative of an at home tele-worker have made my metabolism resistant to diets alone. I do not loose without workouts, period, end of story. This makes me especially cranky since the cost of the good doctor’s program runs around $135 a week. All attempts thus far to lighten this financial burden with my supposedly excellent health care insurance provider has lead to DENIED CLAIM status from my now 2nd appeal.
While we are on the subject of my insurance battle let me digress for a moment. I don’t think I ever discussed the submission of my first claim with the blog. When I started with the good doctor, via a physician’s referral, my BMI was 39.6%. My labs however were my downfall as they came back clean with no signs of heart disease, diabetes or other weight related indicators. No, I am not crazy to say downfall according to my expensive HMO insurance policy. You see I missed the cut off for coverage by .04% BMI and required at least one other indicator of weight related illness such as diabetes. So even though I had more fat than a Jimmy Dean sausage, I didn’t qualify for coverage.
No surprise too many that my HMO coverage really doesn’t cover maintenance or prevention at all. Absolute nuts which is why I have been on the war path ever since. I think they should roll out the insurance red carpet since I will be saving them potentially hundreds of thousands of dollars in claims later on. I will stop my rant but stay tuned for upcoming episodes of Donuts to Diva Insurance Battles!
For now I am recovering from the cold and will be back in the gym on Monday.
Day 34 – Vacation Assessment…B
14.5 lbs lost
We wrapped up our vacation after 6 days and 1100 miles logged on our trusty minivan, Vandela. We managed to squeeze in Disneyland, a visit with friends, the Reagan Library, Santa Barbara and finally a quick swing by Pismo Beach. It was such a good time and overall the diet went fairly well. I stayed on plan all breakfasts, snacks and lunches. Dinners were harder as I never really knew what hidden calories were in the meal. On the night at our friend’s house, I made the choice to eat the authentic Mexican food that our hosts had been cooking all day in honor of our visit. It was too die for and after seeing the vast amounts of oil, cream and cheese that went into the meal, I didn’t even hazard a guess. It was better to just choose to enjoy a small portion. We even managed to get in lots of walking and a quad bike ride on the beach in Santa Barbara. My husband coined this my “biggest looser moment” as this is not something we would typically do. My poor husband was fighting a terrible cold during the trip and still agreed to do the quad ride with a fever and cough to give me my BL moment. I must have had crazy eyes to make him not question my request.
Man was it hard to peddle four people along the 5 miles of beach path. My kids kept pooping out on the peddling and my youngest couldn’t even reach the peddles without standing up. We kept screaming for them to peddle as we lumbered along at a snails pace. In that moment I had a flashback to when I was about 14 and my mom bought a totally cool retro tandem bike at a garage sale. That summer, we set off one fine afternoon to ride that bike all over the lake islands where she lived. 10 minutes into the grand adventure I was broken out in a full sweat and standing to peddle. At first I thought the gears were broken or something. Then, I looked behind me to see my mom not peddling as she was ogling people’s yard ornaments and flower selections. “Mom, peddle!” I grunted. Each time she would kick in for about 5 minutes and then go right back to forgetting to peddle when a new lawn flag appeared. Frustrated, I put her in the front thinking now she would have to peddle. Nope! Didn’t make a difference as she was unable to sightsee and peddle at the same time. Peddling disorder, I’m sure we could find it if we looked it up. Needless to say, we didn’t ride the bike all that often that summer….. However, I would definitely rent bikes on the beach again but maybe singles instead of a quad.
We wrapped up our vacation after 6 days and 1100 miles logged on our trusty minivan, Vandela. We managed to squeeze in Disneyland, a visit with friends, the Reagan Library, Santa Barbara and finally a quick swing by Pismo Beach. It was such a good time and overall the diet went fairly well. I stayed on plan all breakfasts, snacks and lunches. Dinners were harder as I never really knew what hidden calories were in the meal. On the night at our friend’s house, I made the choice to eat the authentic Mexican food that our hosts had been cooking all day in honor of our visit. It was too die for and after seeing the vast amounts of oil, cream and cheese that went into the meal, I didn’t even hazard a guess. It was better to just choose to enjoy a small portion. We even managed to get in lots of walking and a quad bike ride on the beach in Santa Barbara. My husband coined this my “biggest looser moment” as this is not something we would typically do. My poor husband was fighting a terrible cold during the trip and still agreed to do the quad ride with a fever and cough to give me my BL moment. I must have had crazy eyes to make him not question my request.
Man was it hard to peddle four people along the 5 miles of beach path. My kids kept pooping out on the peddling and my youngest couldn’t even reach the peddles without standing up. We kept screaming for them to peddle as we lumbered along at a snails pace. In that moment I had a flashback to when I was about 14 and my mom bought a totally cool retro tandem bike at a garage sale. That summer, we set off one fine afternoon to ride that bike all over the lake islands where she lived. 10 minutes into the grand adventure I was broken out in a full sweat and standing to peddle. At first I thought the gears were broken or something. Then, I looked behind me to see my mom not peddling as she was ogling people’s yard ornaments and flower selections. “Mom, peddle!” I grunted. Each time she would kick in for about 5 minutes and then go right back to forgetting to peddle when a new lawn flag appeared. Frustrated, I put her in the front thinking now she would have to peddle. Nope! Didn’t make a difference as she was unable to sightsee and peddle at the same time. Peddling disorder, I’m sure we could find it if we looked it up. Needless to say, we didn’t ride the bike all that often that summer….. However, I would definitely rent bikes on the beach again but maybe singles instead of a quad.
Day 29 - Ah ha Ahi Tuna
13 lbs lighter (I hope!)
Day 1 in the park was awesome both in fun and in my ability to stay on plan. We walked the 5 blocks into the park and managed to get on all our favorite rides the first day. My tuna strategy went off without a hitch. Another key discovery was that free ice water was fairly easy to come by in the park. Why everyone kept buying the $4 bottles of Dasani was beyond us. I was able to make my shakes and keep up my 64 oz of water consumption all day.
We decided to eat dinner out of the park and walked to a new strip with a bunch of restaurants. My husband and I gasped when discovering there was a Roy’s. We have both always wanted to eat at one of these but haven’t had the chance. The menu was so mouthwatering with a vast number of fresh and diet friendly choices. We were then crushed to discover that Roy’s didn’t offer childcare back in the kitchen where they would chuck my kids hot dogs while we dined in style. Major sigh, when the realization dawned that we would not spend $200 on a meal for us AND the kids.
We finally settled on Cheesecake factory. After pouring over the menu to ensure I was making the best possible choice, I was down to 2 different Ahi tuna dishes. I consulted with our server to see if I could get the dish altered to only have seared fish and veggies. She assured me I could and recommended the better choice of the two. It came and was beautiful. So delicious! The best I have had in so long…. hmm, a little too delicious is what my inner voice kept needling. Damn inner voice wouldn’t shut up so at the end of the meal, I just had to ask our server if she knew the calories of what I ate. She then whips out the calorie guide which I failed to see when we started. That Seared Ahi turned out to be 1600 calories! This is 300 calories more than my total daily allotted intake. “What the f@#$%!” I exclaimed. Ugh! To make matters worse, the much debated 2nd menu choice turned out to be the lowest calorie item on their entire menu at 286 calories. I WAS PISSED!!! My husband practically spit out his drink laughing upon this discovery. Then, my oldest son pipes in with “Mom, you could have had 3 Big Macs!” He quit laughing when he saw the look of death from me. I ate canned tuna on lettuce today for goodness sakes. I felt totally duped. Good think we walked about 7 miles that day or I would have been doomed.
Hard lesson, read the calorie counts first not last or just don’t ask.
Day 1 in the park was awesome both in fun and in my ability to stay on plan. We walked the 5 blocks into the park and managed to get on all our favorite rides the first day. My tuna strategy went off without a hitch. Another key discovery was that free ice water was fairly easy to come by in the park. Why everyone kept buying the $4 bottles of Dasani was beyond us. I was able to make my shakes and keep up my 64 oz of water consumption all day.
We decided to eat dinner out of the park and walked to a new strip with a bunch of restaurants. My husband and I gasped when discovering there was a Roy’s. We have both always wanted to eat at one of these but haven’t had the chance. The menu was so mouthwatering with a vast number of fresh and diet friendly choices. We were then crushed to discover that Roy’s didn’t offer childcare back in the kitchen where they would chuck my kids hot dogs while we dined in style. Major sigh, when the realization dawned that we would not spend $200 on a meal for us AND the kids.
We finally settled on Cheesecake factory. After pouring over the menu to ensure I was making the best possible choice, I was down to 2 different Ahi tuna dishes. I consulted with our server to see if I could get the dish altered to only have seared fish and veggies. She assured me I could and recommended the better choice of the two. It came and was beautiful. So delicious! The best I have had in so long…. hmm, a little too delicious is what my inner voice kept needling. Damn inner voice wouldn’t shut up so at the end of the meal, I just had to ask our server if she knew the calories of what I ate. She then whips out the calorie guide which I failed to see when we started. That Seared Ahi turned out to be 1600 calories! This is 300 calories more than my total daily allotted intake. “What the f@#$%!” I exclaimed. Ugh! To make matters worse, the much debated 2nd menu choice turned out to be the lowest calorie item on their entire menu at 286 calories. I WAS PISSED!!! My husband practically spit out his drink laughing upon this discovery. Then, my oldest son pipes in with “Mom, you could have had 3 Big Macs!” He quit laughing when he saw the look of death from me. I ate canned tuna on lettuce today for goodness sakes. I felt totally duped. Good think we walked about 7 miles that day or I would have been doomed.
Hard lesson, read the calorie counts first not last or just don’t ask.
Day 28 – Pack Up the Minivan & Protein Shaker…It’s Spring Break!
13 pounds lighter
With only 5 weeks of diet mastery behind me, Spring Break is upon me. That’s right, 5 family fun filled days of Disneyland, hotels and dinners out. Yikes! I am excited to go on our first family vacation in a year and spend some great family time. This is fairly scarce in our daily schedule of work, school and kid activities. However, I am also a bit nervous that I will be able to stay “On the Wagon” so to speak while facing numerous dinners out and limited options in the Magic Kingdom.
To date, I have prepared most of my meals at home so I don’t have to face too many yummy high calorie choices. So imagine my concern that every menu I will face will include all things fried. So I set forth to plan. I packed my shakes, almonds, and a great little find I discovered before my son’s last field trip, seasoned pull top tuna. I bought one of these per day so that no matter what, I could dump this on top of a salad and get in my 30 grams of protein.
8 am Sunday morning, we set out on I-5 to begin our 8 hour drive with shake, coffee and 40 oz of water in hand. 8:22 am, I had to pee. Oops, didn’t really think this one through. To make matters worse, my 7 year old has to pee as much as I do and never at the same time. The 8 drive turned into an 11 hours adventure of what has to be the worst bathrooms on the planet. Yuck! Feeling sullied, we finally pulled into our hotel.
With only 5 weeks of diet mastery behind me, Spring Break is upon me. That’s right, 5 family fun filled days of Disneyland, hotels and dinners out. Yikes! I am excited to go on our first family vacation in a year and spend some great family time. This is fairly scarce in our daily schedule of work, school and kid activities. However, I am also a bit nervous that I will be able to stay “On the Wagon” so to speak while facing numerous dinners out and limited options in the Magic Kingdom.
To date, I have prepared most of my meals at home so I don’t have to face too many yummy high calorie choices. So imagine my concern that every menu I will face will include all things fried. So I set forth to plan. I packed my shakes, almonds, and a great little find I discovered before my son’s last field trip, seasoned pull top tuna. I bought one of these per day so that no matter what, I could dump this on top of a salad and get in my 30 grams of protein.
8 am Sunday morning, we set out on I-5 to begin our 8 hour drive with shake, coffee and 40 oz of water in hand. 8:22 am, I had to pee. Oops, didn’t really think this one through. To make matters worse, my 7 year old has to pee as much as I do and never at the same time. The 8 drive turned into an 11 hours adventure of what has to be the worst bathrooms on the planet. Yuck! Feeling sullied, we finally pulled into our hotel.
Friday, April 9, 2010
March 19th Day 20 – Limos, Liquor and Liquid Protein?
Friday was filled with excitement as I was off to celebrate one of my very closest friends turning the big 4-0. Bonded together in the college dorms, tonight’s group of party goers have shared every major life event over the past 22 years. These guys have seen me at my best, worst and every manically induced yo-yo diet in between. If you guys are reading out there, I am honored with the longevity and love of our shared friendship.
I headed out the door with my protein shaker, and the absolute conviction that I would listen to the good Dr’s advise to not mix booze and Phentermine. I was feeling quite smug since I had gotten in 45 minutes of sweat inducing cardio and the once again welcomed the ability to actually zip my dressy black slacks without a ratcheting set.
First stop was to drop off my car so I could carpool in with my good friend and pary goer into the city. This friend has been steadily melting away through her own efforts the past 2 years. No drugs or secret formula just determination, strict diet and exercise. I am so very proud of her 100+ lbs of weight loss and she said she was going “all the way baby!”. She said she even recently ran a mile for the first time in over 25 years. Huge!
We efficiently scared the crap out of our birthday girl by doing a little B&E into her home so we could pounce our birthday wishes upon her. We exuded great enthusiasm since let’s face it, she is the oldest and thereby facing 40 first! I whipped up my last shake of the day before crawling into the limo. Immediately, champagne corks were popped and beautiful adult beverages began to flow. One party goer is a doctor and just happened to mention that she had a drug interactions reference on her blackberry that she could call up if I decided to partake but of course she wouldn’t recommend it.
I was steadfast for the entire ride into the city then I started to get hungry and quite jealous of my slightly inebriated party goers. By the time we got to our first bar I had already worked out worst case scenarios and considered I was in a limo A) not driving B) had my insurance card on me and C) I am sure the limo driver could find the hospital if needed. All these reasons suddenly made perfect sense for me to partake so I sauntered up to my friend with her drug interactions list and demanded a look up Stat! We read, “side effects may include: light headed, dizzy and heighten effect of alcohol on the blood stream”. We looked at each other, blinked and both declared simultaneously that this just made me a cheap date and isn’t that what everyone is looking for in an adult beverage. Ha!
I quickly ordered up a lemon drop and half way into martini glass, BAM! Light headed was right, I saw spots and started to feel like I just got off the Zipper at the state fair. In 5 sips I went from fine to spinny drunk with no fun part in between. Yikes! I stopped immediately and spent the next 45 minutes attempting to shake off the effects and realized that I really needed to eat. It had been 5 hours since the last shake. I should have had another one on me but live and learn.
The rest of the night, dinner and friends were lovely once I got some protein in me. I tried curried cauliflower for the very first time and had shrimp cocktail to die for. All in all, a wonderful event for a wonderful friend.
I headed out the door with my protein shaker, and the absolute conviction that I would listen to the good Dr’s advise to not mix booze and Phentermine. I was feeling quite smug since I had gotten in 45 minutes of sweat inducing cardio and the once again welcomed the ability to actually zip my dressy black slacks without a ratcheting set.
First stop was to drop off my car so I could carpool in with my good friend and pary goer into the city. This friend has been steadily melting away through her own efforts the past 2 years. No drugs or secret formula just determination, strict diet and exercise. I am so very proud of her 100+ lbs of weight loss and she said she was going “all the way baby!”. She said she even recently ran a mile for the first time in over 25 years. Huge!
We efficiently scared the crap out of our birthday girl by doing a little B&E into her home so we could pounce our birthday wishes upon her. We exuded great enthusiasm since let’s face it, she is the oldest and thereby facing 40 first! I whipped up my last shake of the day before crawling into the limo. Immediately, champagne corks were popped and beautiful adult beverages began to flow. One party goer is a doctor and just happened to mention that she had a drug interactions reference on her blackberry that she could call up if I decided to partake but of course she wouldn’t recommend it.
I was steadfast for the entire ride into the city then I started to get hungry and quite jealous of my slightly inebriated party goers. By the time we got to our first bar I had already worked out worst case scenarios and considered I was in a limo A) not driving B) had my insurance card on me and C) I am sure the limo driver could find the hospital if needed. All these reasons suddenly made perfect sense for me to partake so I sauntered up to my friend with her drug interactions list and demanded a look up Stat! We read, “side effects may include: light headed, dizzy and heighten effect of alcohol on the blood stream”. We looked at each other, blinked and both declared simultaneously that this just made me a cheap date and isn’t that what everyone is looking for in an adult beverage. Ha!
I quickly ordered up a lemon drop and half way into martini glass, BAM! Light headed was right, I saw spots and started to feel like I just got off the Zipper at the state fair. In 5 sips I went from fine to spinny drunk with no fun part in between. Yikes! I stopped immediately and spent the next 45 minutes attempting to shake off the effects and realized that I really needed to eat. It had been 5 hours since the last shake. I should have had another one on me but live and learn.
The rest of the night, dinner and friends were lovely once I got some protein in me. I tried curried cauliflower for the very first time and had shrimp cocktail to die for. All in all, a wonderful event for a wonderful friend.
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