Day 0 - ’Twas the Night Before Liquids

Ok, the day before the “Big Day” I found myself filled with excitement. Unfortunately, I was faced with so many deadlines at work, that it was 8 pm before I realized that I had failed to get in my infamous “Last Supper”. I was actually ok with this since I was still so excited for Friday. My husband was having none of that. He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me down to Safeway to meander down all the isles where I pretended to never to venture. Chips? What isle are those on again? He started manically rooting out and filling his basket with all things junk. “What the F#$%?”, I said? This was abnormal behavior for him. He said I would be displacing weight over the next few months and he wanted to keep it all in the family. Sick joke, what a weirdo! Then as he slowly steered me towards the Bakery we ended up in the donut aisle. Then he magically whispered in my ear as if he was offering me the moon and said “pick one”. Deep sigh, it was like being at Tiffany’s. Where to start? First mini-mart madness Valentines Day and then this! The choices clouded my brain, apple fritter or chocolate bar? I am so intent on this task as if I am decided to clip the red or the green wire on a bomb. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, a beautiful chocolate bismark comes into focus. I was instantly transported back to Al’s Donuts of my childhood in Antioch. That was the one! After paying for our loot, we sat in the car together and I slowly, peeled back the plastic. With great feeling and awareness, I slowly ate him bite by bite my beautiful chocolately Biz Markie. I was moaning with pleasure as cream oozed out on my lips as I licked it up. Even after 18 years of living with crazy, He watched me in amazement, a bit of jealousy, and then puzzlement over his jealousy. He witnessed my affair with Biz Markie. I started singing, “Oh baby you, you got what I neeeeed….you say he’s just a friend…”. This is how I once again painfully ended my affair with sugar. In the Safeway parking lot, with my husband watching me name a donut after a one hit wonder 80’s pop artist. All in all, not a bad way to end and affair.