Day 1 "The Road to Recovery is paved with Phentermine!

I’m jazzed, I’m pumped! Day 1 and Wohoo! Ok, maybe it’s the phentermine? I feel awake for the first time in months! Today had salacious beginnings. I use the word salacious in particular as it is timely for today’s recount. I recently found out that salacious was derived from the word salt. Now, those who know me, know that I L-O-V-E salt. I would have a salt lick in the backyard like my bovine sisters if I could. So imagine my joy when the Dr told me I would need to consume 2000 mgs of additional salt a day. Apparently the liquid protein is so low in salt that you need to add it back in. I had visions of unwrapping shiny foil around tiny cubes of salty bullion and popping them in my mouth like candy. Then the Dr. said I could use pickles to get in my salt. Well, shoot! I like pickles so I decided to start with eating 2 pickles a day. At lunch on Day 1, I whipped out my brand new bottle of giant dills to find that each pickle has only 280 mgs of salt. Guess I should have checked this at the store. Hmm, got me thinking about what would happen if one consumed 7.25 pickles a day. Would you smell like Deli? Would Mr. Pickles be knocking at my door and tell me to get back to work? Seriously, I’ve decided to not test my assumptions and have gone back to the idea of eating bouillon cubes. 4 pm, just had my “snack” shake. Is it dinner time yet?

Day 0 - ’Twas the Night Before Liquids

Ok, the day before the “Big Day” I found myself filled with excitement. Unfortunately, I was faced with so many deadlines at work, that it was 8 pm before I realized that I had failed to get in my infamous “Last Supper”. I was actually ok with this since I was still so excited for Friday. My husband was having none of that. He grabbed me by the arm and hauled me down to Safeway to meander down all the isles where I pretended to never to venture. Chips? What isle are those on again? He started manically rooting out and filling his basket with all things junk. “What the F#$%?”, I said? This was abnormal behavior for him. He said I would be displacing weight over the next few months and he wanted to keep it all in the family. Sick joke, what a weirdo! Then as he slowly steered me towards the Bakery we ended up in the donut aisle. Then he magically whispered in my ear as if he was offering me the moon and said “pick one”. Deep sigh, it was like being at Tiffany’s. Where to start? First mini-mart madness Valentines Day and then this! The choices clouded my brain, apple fritter or chocolate bar? I am so intent on this task as if I am decided to clip the red or the green wire on a bomb. Finally, out of the corner of my eye, a beautiful chocolate bismark comes into focus. I was instantly transported back to Al’s Donuts of my childhood in Antioch. That was the one! After paying for our loot, we sat in the car together and I slowly, peeled back the plastic. With great feeling and awareness, I slowly ate him bite by bite my beautiful chocolately Biz Markie. I was moaning with pleasure as cream oozed out on my lips as I licked it up. Even after 18 years of living with crazy, He watched me in amazement, a bit of jealousy, and then puzzlement over his jealousy. He witnessed my affair with Biz Markie. I started singing, “Oh baby you, you got what I neeeeed….you say he’s just a friend…”. This is how I once again painfully ended my affair with sugar. In the Safeway parking lot, with my husband watching me name a donut after a one hit wonder 80’s pop artist. All in all, not a bad way to end and affair.

You asked for it….and I was inspired (Part 2)

It is bitter sweet that I have finally gotten to the place in my life long battle of obesity and sugar addiction where I would even make the appointment. I mean who in their right mind is devastated when their labs come back healthy? No sane person! I guess my continued quest for why will continue on like David Carridean wondering through late night reruns of Kung Fu. Maybe some day the medical community will be able to understand my toxic love affair with all things crunchy and creamy. Until then, I am plunking down every spare nickel I have and some I don’t, to let the good Dr Hendricks be my guide. I curse myself for overlooking the power of a medical spending care account last year!

You asked for it….and I was inspired

Thank you for your overwhelming interest y’all on Wednesday night to catalog the depths of my insanity as I wobble into the world of ” Medical Weight Loss” for the first time. I had never thought to write about anything before but this topic hits so close to home and lets face it, is so ripe with pure entertainment value. Who could resist?. So, over the course of the next year, I will attempt to recount my ups, downs, bumps, bruises and the hope of all hope, a small glimmer of success. Thank you for once again making something ~All About Me!